A change is as good as a rest - travelling with twins (We rock Wednesdays)

We're just back from a few days away. It's true, a change can be as good as a rest (a rest being something that doesn't appear that often when you have 23m old twins!) We were visiting family in Sussex and as I'm still not confident driving (and it was the Bank Holiday) we planned our trip by public transport. Travelling by public transport, when you have twins and a buggy, means travelling light, planning your route, and packing well!

We had a fabulous time. One of the good things about going away for a few nights is that even though you have the general looking after the boys type jobs that go with toddlers (nappy changing, feeding etc), it meant that some of the jobs didn't need doing. We didn't need to tidy up. We didn't need to wash up or cook, as we were out (or what we did was minimal as we were with family so sharing jobs). It's surprising just those few small things add up to make it feel like a break.

And the boys were great. Our journey to Sussex included the bus (our local train station has steep steps and no lift), the train, the London Underground, the London Overground, and another train! We kept them entertained with books that we had taken with us, and telling stories and singing. Not sure what the other passengers thought! 

Tips

• Make a list of what you need to take.
• Consider what you can realistically carry with you. We were lucky this time because we were visiting family that we were able to send some nappies and wipes in advance which saved us some room packing.
• Take some snacks with you so that you have something to eat on the way.
• Take small things to entertain - we have found stickers and small books useful, and we also saw other parents travelling using their iPad's or similar.
• Look out for places where it is easier to get onto the train etc, our local service has started marking on the ground where the disabled carriage is on the train which means a little more space (obviously we would have needed to move if a wheelchair came on). 
• You can check your route through London for disabled access which also helps if you are taking a buggy, with Transport for London. 

I'm a member of a fab twin group on Facebook and I was able to ask what good places there were to visit locally (without a car). This helped us find a local park with recommendations of where to eat too. 

The hotel were really great (we stayed in a Premier Inn). We had booked 2 travel cots in advance and here are some of my tips from our stay:

• If you have booked cots, call in advance to the hotel and double check that they have the booking for 2 cots if you are travelling with twins. (We already knew we could get two travel cots as we had asked on a similar trip earlier this year, but you could play it safe and call before you book to check procedures where you are going)
• Move things out of the way that you know will be fascinating - things like the bin, cables etc.
• Consider booking your breakfast time the night before so you can get a highchair (or two in our case) reserved rather than finding out in the morning they are being used). 
• Check what is included - at Premier Inn we found up to 2 children of a certain age could eat per paying adult breakfast, which although breakfast wasn't cheap at just under £9, it worked out good value when you included the kids breakfasts.
• Consider taking your own cutlery/beakers etc - often they only have adult cutlery and crockery. We used their teaspoons and small dessert forks although we had our own forks as backup. 
• Our breakfast came on hot, adult sized plates - we asked for a spare cold side plate and cut the food up and decanted it onto that.

A teddy bears picnic

One of the things we wanted to do this summer was a teddy bears picnic. We were lucky enough to find one was being organised as part of our local carnival, at a beautiful park local to where we live. So our theme this week has been about picnics and the summer (a good job as it feels like the weather is starting to feel a little more Autumnal!).

This week we have been reading 

1. Skip through the seasons - a beautiful looking book by a company called Barefoot books, by Stella Blackstone and Maria Carluccio. We have a couple by them out from the library and they are very visually inspiring. I think this one in particular I am going to buy as a book to help the boys learn about seasons as they grow up - it is also great for them spotting things in the pictures.

2. We're going on a picnic - by Pat Hutchins. Although I loved some of the illustration, this hasn't been one of my favourite books - that's definitely the advantage of trying to find specific things through the library or second hand.

TIP - when you are buying books on Amazon you can often get new or used books slightly or considerably below the full price. Just remember to consider where they are being posted from, and postage costs.

We had a fabulous time at the teddy bears picnic! We took our teddy bears with us and there were lots of people there. We had a teddy bear themed picnic including this lovely recipe for cheese biscuits that I got from Pinterest.

Although the boys didn't go on anything they loved the music that was playing in the bandstand and seeing everything that was happening around them. I'd definitely go back next year, and hopefully take part in the teddy bear parade. Shortly after the picnic the boys were ready to be off and playing so we packed up and went to play instead.

The boys loved their teddy bear biscuits! And they even tried a bit of egg which they haven't been bothered about before. It was a good reminder to keep trying foods with them.

We haven't done so many crafts this week but we did manage to do some colouring at the end of the week and used a teddy bear as our shape to bring the theme to a close.

Making better use of our toys

Although we have had our zoo theme this week, because we have had family visiting we haven't had time to do any specific craft projects. The boys have been busy being entertained! One thing I have been doing is having a bit of a sort out and re-organise, which started after I got thinking a bit more about the themed projects and reading. Partly this was also because we got a couple of new toys out, which are quite bulky, and it's meant a bit of a change around to facilitate playing with them without all the toys taking over!

We are lucky because we had the room to have a big built in cupboard put in our living room. Currently most of the toys we aren't using right now are stored in there, with a bit of overspill into the dining room. I was finding that the state of my living room was stressing me out a bit, always feeling within two minutes of the boys arriving downstairs that there was stuff absolutely everywhere! 

The solution has been to get some storage in there and split out the toys by different types. For instance, all the finger puppets are now in together. We have boxes for musical instruments, the two sorts of building blocks we have, and farm and zoo toys. It's now easier to get one sort of toy out at a time. I believe this is also helping them to focus more on the toys we do have out, rather than constantly flitting from one toy to another. It also (touch wood!) seems to mean less toys are thrown behind the sofa, fireguard and door which is what was happening.

It does mean some work for me - rotating the toys so that they don't get bored of them. So far though, it seems to be working :) How do you have your toys organised?

I am enough.

One of the blogs that inspires me as a mama is Finding Joy. She is just running a challenge this month. Sometimes it's just the right moment that a post pops into your email inbox or Facebook news stream. I believe we see things when we need them.

Today I needed the reminder that I Am Enough. I am. I'd planned a day out for family to our local seaside fair and had the right wristbands for the boys to go on a range of rides. We were recommended by the person fitting the wristband two rides to go on. One was a small kiddy rollercoaster. We went on it....the boys would not recommend it! After that, pretty much all the rides we went on, they weren't happy about. That one big ride at the start had taken the shine off things. 

I had mummy guilt. I learnt a lot about myself today. 
I learnt when I plan things I want (expect) them to go well. I learnt today I can't always control that outcome.
I learnt a recommendation from an adult, isn't the same as trusting my Mummy intuition that even though it says the ride is OK, it may be best to start small. 

I was reminded what a great community of mama's I belong to around the world - people I know, people who are in the same situation, and people I know only because we have linked on social media through similar interests.

From this great community of women I learnt even more. I learnt:

• Instead of beating myself up about what didn't work, to celebrate the fact I am enough - I tried to plan a lovely, fun day out for my boys. 
• It's all trial and error - what they hated today, they may love in a year. Or even tomorrow.
• I learnt I'm not the only one to try this particular thing, and have it not work out. I guess somewhere, there will be someone in the same boat feeling the same feelings. Knowing that doesn't necessarily always help, but it adds to a feeling of relief and helps you to move on.

Finally with the wisdom of all this I was able to say, I am enough. I tried today. I will keep trying tomorrow. My day is more than this one moment that didn't go how I planned. I can let go of what didn't work and keep the memories that make me smile. Otherwise, I really haven't learnt anything at all.

Twice as nice (Twin Tuesday)

Here are 7 of my reasons it's twice as nice rather than double the trouble when you have twins:

1. They always have a playmate: When they go to nursery for the first time, they aren't on their own. They have a friend when you go to new places. They can wake up together and have an early morning chat. Plus the fact that they have a playfriend can sometimes give you a little break to get a cuppa/something to eat!
2. They can learn from each other: Whilst sometimes this be be a source of much mischief, they can also see one another learning. What one can do, the other is more likely to want to try. It can work for eating, walking, exploring new toys.
3. It's magical when they interact: When you stop, and slow down and watch your twins interact it can be amazing. I try to make some time every day just to sit and watch them together. Heads bent over a project, reaching out to one another.
4. You have twice the giggles: There is a LOT of laughter in our house. It's such a joyful sound. We hear them through the baby monitors laughing at each other. It's infectious. They egg each other on and play off the fact that each thinks they are hilarious.
5. They help each other: Yes, sometimes they don't like to share and can fall out. Even at 21m though they look out for each other. They shout each other when it's time for lunch. They pass the water. Sometimes they even feed each other snacks.
6. Your arms are full of love: It is wonderful when they both come and have hugs and fun at the same time. Yes, your hands are full but full of an abundance of love.
7. There is nothing like two little hands holding yours: Now that the boys are walking it is so lovely when we are walking along and they both hold your hand. Or stop and look up at you, to see what you think or to point something out to you.

What do you love about having twins?

Story time - crafts and fun with the Hare and the Tortoise.

Last week we did a few crafts all around one story, Hurry up and Slow down, a version of the well known story the Hare and the Tortoise. As I mentioned, I have been finding free time at home one of the times I can feel disengaged when the boys are throwing their toys around. One of the things I have done to be more connected and mindful with them is to focus on a theme for the week around one of the books we have been reading. 

This last week it was Hurry up and Slow down, and all the crafts were around the Hare and the Tortoise. I used Pinterest to get ideas of what crafts we could do together, aiming to:

• Keep it simple
• Remember to use craft ideas that seemed applicable to their stage of development so that we were set up for success.

I've found it really useful having some ideas ready to pull out when we are at home, especially on days where we didn't have any other activities planned. 

This week we have:

• Hare and the tortoise potato stamping: I simply cut a potato in half and used a felt tip to draw a very simple shape before cutting with a knife around the shape. Because I put the paint onto the potato it limited the amount of mess that was about but we all had fun.
• Hare and the Tortoise colouring pages: I found these on the internet,and when the boys got bored of the structured sheet we simply used a plain piece of paper.
• Hare and the Tortoise - being a tortoise: I sellotaped 4 pieces of card together, drew on some shell shapes and then put some rounds of parcel tape on the back and stuck them to the back of the clothes. Whilst this looked super cute, it was probably the least successful - N had a go but J just pulled his off and sat playing with the shape! It was still fun to try out!

I've started saving some of the ideas on a story time craft board on Pinterest- do feel free to follow :)

Would love to hear what stories you are reading and any crafts you do with your little ones.

This week we will be reading Peek a Boo Zoo (although most of the peekaboo bit doesn't work as the ears got pulled off!)

Noticing what went well (We rock Wednesday)

Sometimes it's easy to spend all your time thinking about things which didn't go quite so well. Or that you planned to do, or didn't. We Rock Wednesday is my reminder to myself to give myself a break and to celebrate the good. It's all about an opportunity to spot and remember what is going well. Where we made progress.

As a family it's about us catching each other doing things right. It's a habit I'd like to get into. Often looking back we forget the tiny steps of progress we made. The little everyday things where we said "Well done!". The first time something was achieved. How it was improved.

Just this week:

• I've tried out a few new recipes for the family - some have gone down well with the boys, some not so well - but if I didn't try I wouldn't know!
• N has been so helpful to his brother - passing him his water when it was hot, shouting him when it is time to go to breakfast.
• J has given N a hug when he was upset. These signs of affection between brothers are so beautiful to see.
• I've managed to get some painting and some blogging done, as well as some tidying up at home. It's all a balance!
• We got the lawn mowed at the weekend before it rained so we can spent time outdoors.
• We have been out to twin group and have caught up with friends.

What have you noticed you have done well this week? Tell someone today something great they have done.

Painting with the toddler two (Twin Tuesday)

One thing I've started to realise recently is that I'm not so good when our days are totally unstructured. The boys are at a stage where most of their toys seem to end up hidden in various places - thrown behind the fireguard, the sofa, the table, the door...

One of the things I am starting to do is some more loosely structured activities with them at home on days where we aren't out and about. This way I feel that there is more impact and meaning to the time we have together. One of the things we have started doing is some arts and crafts time together. Although we have only had a few sessions I thought I'd share some of my tips which seem to have made it easier for us all. After all, it's supposed to be fun!

Use a happy time slot
Start your art slot at a time when you know your little ones should be fairly happy - fed, changed, not too tired. 

Keep it short
I've found that for us all to be happy, activities which don't need either too much preparation time or require too much time at the activity work best. That way you don't get frustrated if they don't like the activity or it doesn't last that long, and they don't get fed up because they get bored.

Be realistic in your expectations
Don't set out thinking you'll be creating works of art! I've found the sessions have worked best where I don't mind what it looks like at the end (they are only 20 months old!) and we have just had fun with what we are doing in the moment. Focus on process, not outcome. Want to keep some of the art? Initial and date so you know who did what, and when.

Be prepared
Ooh, this is the big one! It helps if you have everything set up and ready so you don't have to go out of the room once you get started! Depending on what sort of painting or other craft activity we are doing this can include:

All the paint and paper we need for the activity

• Painting overalls
• Wipes/flannel
• Paper
• Any accessories such as stamps, bubble wrap etc, paintbrushes
• Sticky tape - I make little circles of bits of tape and use these to stick the paper we are working on to the table. You just need to be gently when you are moving the paper off the table not to rip it.

Be observant

Watch to see how the activity is doing. Spend time concentrating and praising each child for their progress. Offer help if it is needed. Keep an eye out for them getting bored of the activity and get ready to stop before they get fed up.

Prepare a transition

Tell them when you're about to get ready to stop. If you can, get them involved in tidying up, wiping up. Often I will have something else that we are going to do ready as the next thing, even if it is as simple as a sit down with a story.

Make a memory

Keep the best, sign and date them and pop them in a scrap book. I have a book for each of the boys with their name on front. 

Final tips

An extra twin tip someone gave me was remember they don't have to be doing exactly the same activity (although you know your twins to know if doing different things could cause more trouble!). If you think it is going to be messy then one could paint and the other could colour or do stickers.

If you want to get started but you are afraid of the mess, then using bubble wrap or a potato cut in half could help you - just dab them in a little paint rather than letting them control the paint pot!

I've always loved reading. I used to be able to read whole books in a day, (nothing too complicated!). Whilst I don't get time for that often now I still love to read a variety of books. And now the boys are really getting to the age where they are appreciating being read to. I think it is one of my favourite things. J is still eating books a little and we do have some rips, and although I encourage care of books

I suspect that this is a part of the rough and tumble of two boys the same age, both of who want to explore together.

I love it when we read together. We read to the boys at bedtime whilst they have their milk, and always read two books. One can be whatever we have at the moment, often a library book, and the other is always "It's time to sleep" as I find it such a lovely story, and it's a good routine for us. We can recite it pretty much from rote now.

One of our library books this week is "Hurry up and Slow down" by Layn Marlow, based on the Aesop Fable the Hare and the Tortoise. I love the story and how it's all about slowing down, and enjoying that precious time of connection reading can bring.

Now it's the holidays there are less things on round and about, so I'm also testing doing some activities around the books we are reading. Today we have been painting with potato stamps that I cut in the shape of a rabbit/hare and a tortoise. It was quick and simple to set up and the boys had fun.

We Rock Wednesday - Make a mama's day

I am connected to a wonderful group of twin mama's on Facebook. I don't know any of them in person yet they are my extended village. We share so much - what's happening, ask questions about what should be happening, ask for help, and advice and just share the plain wonderful. I am very grateful to be able to have some a wonderful resource.

Today I asked them what one great thing they would love to hear as a twin mama. We often hear "Phew, that looks hard", or " You've got your hands full" or "Rather you than me". I got a wealth of wonderful things that they would both like to hear and that they had heard which had really made a difference to their day. I'll be sharing a few of these over the next few weeks. 

You make it look easy.

I often don't feel like I make it look easy. I feel it looks hot, and sweaty, and a little bit late. Some of that may be true, and some of it is just my perception (pushing a double buggy plus two toddler twins does have all of the effect above!). Yet when someone takes that extra moment to see me, to see the effort that has gone in and to acknowledge it with praise, it makes my heart sing. It's a little bit easier to be in love with now, when you know the world is on your side.

We often feel like a swan, gliding in public view but paddling madly beneath the scenes. You make it look easy gives us confidence it's going right. That it's working. 
It tells us that getting out of the house was worth the effort.
It encourages us to try again tomorrow. 
Even on a day when it doesn't feel easy, and maybe on those days when you can see that it's taking us a little bit more effort than we would like, this simple phrase can breathe new heart into us.

We stand just a little bit straighter. We are heartfelt in our thank you's. 
You rock it mama, and yes, you make it look easy.

"We rock" Wednesday

I talked last week about naming my days. I’ve decided that Wednesdays will be “We rock Wednesday”.

I started this blog partly because being a mama can feel so hard. It’s a culture shock, suddenly having two tiny people who are completely dependent on you. And I want to write for twin mama’s out there who love having twins but who also know it can be tough. Two babies teething at the same time. Two learning to walk, learning the boundaries (potty training, eek!), getting used to the fact that that other child seems to be here A LOT! As I go through my own journey as a twin Mama, I want to feel inspired. I want to get the message out there that you CAN DO THIS. And, that you are doing this, even on days (or weeks) when it doesn't feel like you are doing it very well at all.

I want mama’s who are expecting twins to know even when it’s hard, it’s also so, so amazing. Most of the twin specific books I read when I was expecting just talked about how hard it was, and the early days, if anything just up to the end of the first year. They didn’t really cover how to get inspired as a mama. There is so much out there. Part of my blog and Facebook is to try and bring those two sides together- to share my journey as a twin mama, to put a mindful spin on the stage of life we are in right now (and hopefully in looking back over my own days, to get a little perspective) and to share both practical tips and inspirational thoughts and resources.

We rock. Whether we have twins, or one baby, or many babies. I’ll be reaching out to twin mama’s specifically as a twin mama, but we all shine in our own unique way. I think we can forget that when we are thrown into the deep end of being a mama, of completely changing overnight all we are used to.

As a coach, another thing I want to bring to the table is the element of positive talk, and focusing on what you can do and the changes you can make, that will give you results. Out of the maelstrom of those very early days, the seeds of who I was before I was subsumed into the cycle of bringing up two babies are slowly coming back to me. I can bring so much to this job of raising two men to be.

I can do it, mama. You can too. You rock.

Take a rest, mama

Some days you just need to stop and listen to your body. Today mine was gently calling out "Rest, sleep, slow down" to me. It's been a busy few days since the end of last month. We've had a trip away which broke our routine especially from a sleep perspective. I've had some time away, and the boys are always on the move (or so it seems). 

It's OK to rest. It's OK to stop. It's OK to ask for what you need.
Let it go, mama. The jobs will still be there. And you'll probably get to them all later. 
You'll be better for a rest. Give yourself permission, if you can. 
Even if it is just for a minute.

Nap when they nap.
If you can, grab some down time when your little ones are asleep too. They'll be sure to shout out if they need you!

Switch off.
Can't take a nap right now? Switch off. Your phone, laptop, TV, anything that makes noise. Enjoy a break in the silence. 

Take a breathing break.
Even if you don't feel like you have time for anything else, simply stop moving. Close your eyes for a moment. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. 

Give yourself permission.
Know that rest makes you stronger. Gives you the energy you need to do what you need to do. Give yourself a mantra that acknowledges what you need right now.
I choose to rest right now, knowing it gives me strength.
I stop and enjoy the sweet sound of silence. 
I breathe in peace and breathe out strength. I can do this.

Take a break, make a soul to do list

Sometimes it feels like all there is to do is chores. Lunch to make, clothes to wash, children to feed...
Make a new to do list. I need to do this more often.

Put down your list of jobs (it will still be there) and write a list of things you'd love to be doing right now that would chill you out, make you happy. Make them things you could actually do in the here and now between all the other things you still have to do (guessing you'll still have to do the other jobs).

Take some time just for you. Or to stop and reconnect with your littles. Breathe.
What would be on your list today?
Here is mine.
Have a hot cup of tea with my feet up.
Sleep when they children are sleeping.
Paint a picture.
Read with the boys.

Thankful Thursday

One of the things I have been thinking about doing for a while (inspired by Shawn Fink from The Abundant Mama Project) is naming specific days of the week. The idea is it helps add intention and inspiration to your week. I'm still working on all the rest of the days but I have Thankful Thursday. A while back we created a jar to pop in post it notes of things we have had fun doing, milestones or just those small moments which happen every day and you sometimes miss if you don't record them.

Last year I was really good at recording them and we had a lovely time on New Years Eve looking back at all the wonderful things that had happened in 2013. I've not been as good this year but now I'm going to regularly update the jar on a Thursday.

This week I am particularly thankful for:
A successful break away for our little family. Lots of memories made, a first visit to a "show" for the boys, and a long overdue visit to the relaxing Kew Gardens.
The lovely feedback I have had for the start of this blog and page.
A drive out in the car with the boys - a first step to getting more mobile.


What are you thankful for this week?

Mama, you can SO do this...

Sometimes we need a love letter to ourself. A permission slip to say, yes, I can do this. I am doing this.

Well here it is. Mama, you can do this. You ARE doing it.
It doesn't matter if you show up tired, or hot or frustrated (although you may not have the most fun).
It matters that you showed up.
It doesn't (mostly) matter if you were late, or not quite at the time you hoped, or that it didn't go exactly as you planned (when does it ever?).
It matters that you showed up. You gave it your best.
And your best is the best you have to give on any given day. It may not be what you expect of yourself. It may not be what you think others expect of you. But it is your best, in the real world today.
Applaud yourself, mama.

Stop, and see the powerful impact you are having in the world. You are raising humans. It's not easy, but it's important.
Be a love letter to yourself. Show up with the knowledge you are doing your best. Tell another mama she is doing just great. Build community. Make friends. Share stories. You are not alone in this, even if in that deep dark hour of 4am where there are tears and deep sobbing cries, it feels like you are.
Be well, mama. You are doing better than you know.

Stop, Connect, Breathe

Some days are easier, and some days are harder. Being in love with now, when it's 4am and you have a very unhappy baby, is a harder day. When you're other baby wakes at 6am and they both decide that's it, you're up for the day, well, that's not so great either. I do love my sleep!

Being awake that early, can set the tone for the day and it certainly felt like it. A long morning nap helped, but there was still a sense of the day escaping from me. After a slightly manic period in the afternoon with lots of boisterous boys, throwing of toys and generally feeling like the day wasn't going quite right, I decided it was time to stop.

I was feeling disconnected and a little bit cross. As much with myself as with them. This is not the mama I would like to be. I want to be fun, happy, joyful, and relaxed. OK, not always how it feels but good to aspire to. I knew I needed to make a change.

I stopped. I did some big, deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Relaxed my shoulders. Got out the new books we had bought the boys at the weekend. The boys love books, even if they haven't completely got the hang of caring for them yet. It was a Julia Donaldson book all about counting. We sat down and read together, counting the animals and the butterflies. We connected. And after, the boys sat down and read books on their own for a bit. Stop. Connect. Breathe. And make a change. Change starts within.

Take the first step

Sometimes it's that first step which is hardest. Driving feels like that for me. I know I need to do it. I know other people find it easy. I know some other people find it...well, not great, but still get out there and drive regularly. I've been struggling with this since we moved down south. Down south is BUSY! And I lack confidence about my driving, compounded by being a late starter and lack of practice. Slowly, I'm starting to take action, to take that first step on the road to being a car driver.

Lao Tzu

I can make all kinds of excuses about why I don't drive. But really? It's fear. Fear of going wrong. Of getting lost. Of having an accident (especially now I have the boys). But the fear is stopping me enjoying now. When I am out in a car, if I know I have to drive home I'll be thinking of it. I'll be worrying about it. If I have to go somewhere, the car is usually my least favourite option. Yet having a family now means I need to start getting over this as the possibilities driving will open up for us are huge. We'll be able to go (more easily) on holiday. We'll be able to go to the sorts of places we love, which are mainly not on public transport, or the links are few and far between. And it just feels like it will be freer.

So I have lots of great motivation. Yet still I have been stuck. That fear again. Today I took a deep breath, got ready, did my research and got out the door. It wasn't perfect, but it didn't need to be.

Just need to keep on doing trying, one tiny step after another.

Be your own brave

We all have our own version of what brave looks like. Sometimes it is the big things. Sometimes it is little things. It's often easier to spot in someone else - we celebrate the things others do quicker that our own success stories. In conversation this week I also learnt something I hadn't thought about - that something which is easy (or easier) for us, is difficult for someone else.

This is huge for me. I can both celebrate my own brave - actions I take to further my dreams or goals, or to get over a fear, and celebrate the actions I take that seem ordinary to me but which would represent brave or challenging to someone else.

Two opportunities to celebrate! Wow!

So for me, I've always not been a fan of driving which has meant lots of walking, and lots of using public transport. So generally speaking using public transport, even with a twin buggy, feels a lot easier than using my car. So now I can learn from those who find driving easy, and don't even think about it, whilst celebrating the freedom I already have in my local environment, walking and using public transport.

What can you celebrate?

Love is a journey

Love is a journey. A little over seven years ago I went on a walking holiday that changed my life. It was one of my first holidays all on my own. I felt good about it as it was a group walking holiday and I knew that there would be like minded people there. We were walking around 100 miles of the Camino, a long distance walking route that finishes in Santiago de Compestela in Spain (The field of stars).

On the walk I met the man who is now my husband. In those seven years my life has changed tremendously - I've been made redundant, got engaged, sold my house, moved to London, been a coach, worked as a social media specialist for a small firm and a global organisation, got married, moved house to live near the sea, and had two beautiful babies.

Life and love are both a journey. We don't know what is around the corner. We can plan for the future, but if we don't live in the present, we miss the beauty of what is unfolding for us in the here and now. Today, I am pausing to say thank you to the universe. To acknowledge that love and life is a journey. To look forwards to the next steps on this beautiful adventure we started together 7 years ago today with that first 'official' date in Santiago.

Travelling light

I've not been known for travelling light. I like to feel prepared, and often it seems feeling prepared = taking a lot of things with  you. We've just come back from a trip where we had no choice but to travel light. Our first mini break as our little family of four! We were travelling by bus, tube, and train so no option but to travel light, especially as we had decided we couldn't do without the buggy to carry the boys around.

Travelling light when you have 20m old twins means working out what is essential. Planning and researching - what will be readily available when we reach our destination? What can't we do without, and should take with us?

In the end we did really well, two rucksacks, my admittedly very full handbag, and a bag full of clothes and things. It worked for us as we knew we had 2 travel cots reserved at the hotel. And that we would eat out, and that because we would be able to find places with high chairs (including the restaurant at our hotel).

Unsurprisingly most of the things we did take were for the boys. Familiar things to help with the sense of routine - their sleeping bags and a soft toy. Their usual bedtime book. Things to entertain them - soft books, a portable DVD player and a couple of their favourite CBeebies character DVDs. And snacks, although we had to buy extra. It turns out small boys get very hungry when they are out and about!

Meditate on joy (or, how to enjoy getting ready for a trip with twins)

As I said, sometimes worry can get in the way of anticipating a much longed trip. Especially when you have twin boys and they are still in the buggy and you want everything to be just right.

Phew. Just right is a big expectation on yourself.

This morning I have been thinking about the balance to the practical side I talked about yesterday. I'm actually pretty great at the practical side, even though I worry I forgot something, or it won't be like I thought, or... (insert your own worry about your trip here).

Here is my list of non practical things to do to look forwards to your trip away:

Breathe. 
Get out of your head and into your body, slow things down and take a break from getting ready, even if it's just for a moment.

Ask yourself "What is essential?"
List all the things you have to take. Make sure you have room for those. For us at the moment that includes familiar things which will help keep the sense of routine going in a new environment. It includes lots of snacks. It includes more changes of clothes for the boys than number of days we are away for!

Ask yourself "What will make this easier?"
This may be asking for some help. Or doing your research in advance to make your trip easier when it is happening. Such as, what is the access like for a buggy? Are there high chairs available? Where is the closest small food shop?

Remind yourself of past successes
You've got this. You really do. Look at all the times trips went well in the past. And even if they were stressful or didn't go exactly to plan, I bet you handled it just fine.

Meditate on joy
Focus on the positive emotions you want to feel and display. Get out of your own way and create a space for you to enjoy both what is coming and what is here now. How can you make preparation more fun? What will it take to ease yourself gently into the trip?

Slow down
Sometimes it feel like the faster you move or the more stressed you feel, that must magically help things get done. It doesn't. Even if you physically have to move fast (for instance because you are on a deadline), try to slow down your breathing and remember you're nearly there.

Some trip mantras:
I slow down to enjoy the magic of preparing for this trip
I breathe and let go of all my worries. We have all the essentials we need.
All will be well.
I focus on a trip of ease and pleasure.
I slow down to connect with the people I share my trip with.

Worrying about how it will go, doesn't get the packing done.

When I'm getting ready for a trip, sometimes now it feels like there is an endless list of things to prepare. Practically, this is OK - I love making a list (and often a spreadsheet if there is a big enough project involved).

I like to know that I have all I need for the trip to be a success. Often I find that my own expectations of being prepared can get in the way of the lead up for the big event. It can be a fine line between being prepared, and being stressed and worried that you have everything, exactly everything, that you will need for the duration of the trip.

In this stage, I often forget to love the now and just focus on what could go wrong. I think it's good to be prepared, but not so it stops your enjoyment of today, and reduces that sense of magically anticipation of what is coming. 

I need help at this. I need help at letting the worry go. At focusing on the fact trips in the past have been a success. That even when they haven't been, it has still been OK. We've managed it. Most things these days can be bought at a later point. It helps to have someone who recognises this behaviour in you and who says, "Stop. Slow down, Breathe". Come back to the action later, take some time out and regroup. Basically, let go of the worry. It doesn't help you pack better or faster!

Take time to transition

Today I set up for some painting for the boys. I was all ready. We had paint, we had wipes (essential!), we had brushes, we had bubble-wrap for making shapes. 

We had a lovely time painting. At the end, when I thought we were done, one was happy to finish and take his painting overall off. One, not so happy - in fact a full crying fit until we went next door to the living room and calmed down. I hadn't transitioned from one thing to another with enough intention - I was too focused on finishing off and not on how he may feel that the fun was ended. 

I did this again later in the day. On a Friday we need to lunch and then get out of the door to go to nursery. Usually, the boys end up napping before lunch which means I then have to wake them, give them lunch straight away and then basically get them ready to go. Again, one wide awake and ready for lunch. One was happily sleeping and turned over. I hadn't allowed a transition time. 

When I make space between activities, it usually feels better for all of us. A smooth transition for me is enough time. There is a plan of how we move from here to there. It is calm. 

I create space to transition peacefully.
I know what comes next.
I am filled with confidence.
All will be well.

Slow down, listen and observe

Yesterday I went to a talk on language development in the 0-3 age range. One of the most important facts I took away is how our relationship with our children is the foundation to language. What we hear is just the tip of the iceberg. Slow it down, mama. Apparently it can take up to 8-10 seconds for a little one to process what you say to them. How often do we stop, breathe, and leave that gap? 

As a first time Mummy, I suspect it's more true that I need to fill in the gaps. To prompt conversation. 

It feels like a transformation, if I can just remember it. Eye to eye, listening to what is said, seeing the magic of learning happening in front of my eyes. 

I think this could be a more connected way. I'm excited to try it.