I've always loved reading. I used to be able to read whole books in a day, (nothing too complicated!). Whilst I don't get time for that often now I still love to read a variety of books. And now the boys are really getting to the age where they are appreciating being read to. I think it is one of my favourite things. J is still eating books a little and we do have some rips, and although I encourage care of books

I suspect that this is a part of the rough and tumble of two boys the same age, both of who want to explore together.

I love it when we read together. We read to the boys at bedtime whilst they have their milk, and always read two books. One can be whatever we have at the moment, often a library book, and the other is always "It's time to sleep" as I find it such a lovely story, and it's a good routine for us. We can recite it pretty much from rote now.

One of our library books this week is "Hurry up and Slow down" by Layn Marlow, based on the Aesop Fable the Hare and the Tortoise. I love the story and how it's all about slowing down, and enjoying that precious time of connection reading can bring.

Now it's the holidays there are less things on round and about, so I'm also testing doing some activities around the books we are reading. Today we have been painting with potato stamps that I cut in the shape of a rabbit/hare and a tortoise. It was quick and simple to set up and the boys had fun.

Mama, you can SO do this...

Sometimes we need a love letter to ourself. A permission slip to say, yes, I can do this. I am doing this.

Well here it is. Mama, you can do this. You ARE doing it.
It doesn't matter if you show up tired, or hot or frustrated (although you may not have the most fun).
It matters that you showed up.
It doesn't (mostly) matter if you were late, or not quite at the time you hoped, or that it didn't go exactly as you planned (when does it ever?).
It matters that you showed up. You gave it your best.
And your best is the best you have to give on any given day. It may not be what you expect of yourself. It may not be what you think others expect of you. But it is your best, in the real world today.
Applaud yourself, mama.

Stop, and see the powerful impact you are having in the world. You are raising humans. It's not easy, but it's important.
Be a love letter to yourself. Show up with the knowledge you are doing your best. Tell another mama she is doing just great. Build community. Make friends. Share stories. You are not alone in this, even if in that deep dark hour of 4am where there are tears and deep sobbing cries, it feels like you are.
Be well, mama. You are doing better than you know.

Stop, Connect, Breathe

Some days are easier, and some days are harder. Being in love with now, when it's 4am and you have a very unhappy baby, is a harder day. When you're other baby wakes at 6am and they both decide that's it, you're up for the day, well, that's not so great either. I do love my sleep!

Being awake that early, can set the tone for the day and it certainly felt like it. A long morning nap helped, but there was still a sense of the day escaping from me. After a slightly manic period in the afternoon with lots of boisterous boys, throwing of toys and generally feeling like the day wasn't going quite right, I decided it was time to stop.

I was feeling disconnected and a little bit cross. As much with myself as with them. This is not the mama I would like to be. I want to be fun, happy, joyful, and relaxed. OK, not always how it feels but good to aspire to. I knew I needed to make a change.

I stopped. I did some big, deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Relaxed my shoulders. Got out the new books we had bought the boys at the weekend. The boys love books, even if they haven't completely got the hang of caring for them yet. It was a Julia Donaldson book all about counting. We sat down and read together, counting the animals and the butterflies. We connected. And after, the boys sat down and read books on their own for a bit. Stop. Connect. Breathe. And make a change. Change starts within.